Dear Single Mom,
I understand that you are out there doing tis alone. I understand that your situation is a lot harder mine. To those women who weren’t left with any other choice, I respect you for wamaning up and doing what you have/had to do for your child. To those single ladies who chose to keep the dad out of the picture from jump, get out of my face with your simpering be ause you chose your position. To the mixed bag of divorcee single moms, it’ll get better and I’m rooting for you. To the older single moms who are done raising kids, I may ask How you did it with you kids BUT…
I did not ask for your advice or invite you to my conversation. I understand that you’ve done this all before and you did it without a man by your side, but that is not my lot in life. Don’t tell me that my husband’s input shouldn’t matter. Raising a child is a partnership when there are two of you running a houshold. If you were single from the beginning then you just don’t get it. If you chose to be single then it’s not yours to get. If you’re divorced then you know what it’s like but it still doesn’t give you the right to force your bitterness, self-doubt, and fears onto me and mine. I am in a parental partnership. There is no executive board when it comes to my child’s potty training, discipline, or diet.
As the audience is few I am sure my readers know that I am the black mother of a bi-racial little boy. When I read articles like this one from momLogic, I get confused as to whether or not I should be relating with the mother of 100% black children. I am proud of my heritage and don’t hold anything against my husband or any other white person today because of theirs. I do wonder if I should worry about the statisics of little black boys. I guess it will all depend on what my son identifies himself as.
If he identifies more with his white ancestry, should I breathe a sigh of relief? If he identifies with his black ancestry, should I wait with bated breath? Wouldn’t either choice mean that I am only perpetuating the race cycle? The reason I am having this issue in the first place is because my mother perpetuated the cycle and I have the image of black men being judged by their skin color/tone and not character.
Like the title of the post says, I wonder–and it’s rare–if my son will have some color or race confusion. But I wonder if I will question which race he identifies with, and that is my true worry. I don’t want to think of my son as black or white. He’s my son and all the should matter is that he came from me and I will protect, teach, and support him. I will.
This snippet from the momlogic article is what I fear for any child of color:
My son has been reading since he was 4 years old. He was the only reader in his pre-K class, and every day throughout the school year his teacher would tell all the parents hanging around for pickup how he reads stories to the other children, helps them tie their shoes (because they don’t know how), and spells like a champ. He is also the only African-American in the class. At the end of the school year, a bunch of moms and dads from the class got together, and their whole conversation about my son was about how fast he runs, how he wins all the races at parties, and how he has a very muscular tone for a 5-year-old. These things are true. But not one person talked about how smart he is. Even though that was the messaging they received about my son nearly every day. Not one parent.
I’ve just read an article on MomLogic about a ruling an Cali to make a small Mexican chain pay just over $45,000 in fines, penalties, and a settlement for the mom. Way to go California government.
You may need to read the article to get where I’m coming from.
In case you didn’t know, the law states that a woman can not be fired while on maternity leave. It states this because it is illegal to fire someone for being pregnant, and being pregnant (and breastfeeding) is a woman issue. Because it is a woman issue, it is deemed sexist to fire her. Now I don’t believe in sexism but I think the law is stupid. Wait…I think the interpretation of the law is stupid. If a man had to be off work because of something to do with his prostate he wouldn’t be fired. If he were, it wouldn’t be seen as sexist.
Do I think Acosta Taco is wrong? Yes. Absolutely. Did they get what they deserved? Yes. Should this woman’s job be protected while she is on maternity leave and doing everything she is suppose to do for her job AND her child? You damn right! I just don’t agree with the interpretation of the law.