Today, when I was bringing KidWonder home from “school” and, instead of asking what he wanted for his snack, I started making suggestions. I found the words “ice cream” coming our of my mouth. In my defense (not that I need one), it’s 85 degrees here and we’re in desperate need of cool down. I saved myself by saying we had some at home thinking that he would settle for a popsicle. This did not go over well. Then I remembered the Cool Whip in the freezer. I’m not sure if this has been done before, but since I’ve never done it before I was pretty proud of myself. KidWonder was none the wiser and I had avoided a meltdown. So here he is with his Oreo Cool Whip Crumble. Looks tasty!
I understand that you are out there doing tis alone. I understand that your situation is a lot harder mine. To those women who weren’t left with any other choice, I respect you for wamaning up and doing what you have/had to do for your child. To those single ladies who chose to keep the dad out of the picture from jump, get out of my face with your simpering be ause you chose your position. To the mixed bag of divorcee single moms, it’ll get better and I’m rooting for you. To the older single moms who are done raising kids, I may ask How you did it with you kids BUT…
I did not ask for your advice or invite you to my conversation. I understand that you’ve done this all before and you did it without a man by your side, but that is not my lot in life. Don’t tell me that my husband’s input shouldn’t matter. Raising a child is a partnership when there are two of you running a houshold. If you were single from the beginning then you just don’t get it. If you chose to be single then it’s not yours to get. If you’re divorced then you know what it’s like but it still doesn’t give you the right to force your bitterness, self-doubt, and fears onto me and mine. I am in a parental partnership. There is no executive board when it comes to my child’s potty training, discipline, or diet.
As the audience is few I am sure my readers know that I am the black mother of a bi-racial little boy. When I read articles like this one from momLogic, I get confused as to whether or not I should be relating with the mother of 100% black children. I am proud of my heritage and don’t hold anything against my husband or any other white person today because of theirs. I do wonder if I should worry about the statisics of little black boys. I guess it will all depend on what my son identifies himself as.
If he identifies more with his white ancestry, should I breathe a sigh of relief? If he identifies with his black ancestry, should I wait with bated breath? Wouldn’t either choice mean that I am only perpetuating the race cycle? The reason I am having this issue in the first place is because my mother perpetuated the cycle and I have the image of black men being judged by their skin color/tone and not character.
Like the title of the post says, I wonder–and it’s rare–if my son will have some color or race confusion. But I wonder if I will question which race he identifies with, and that is my true worry. I don’t want to think of my son as black or white. He’s my son and all the should matter is that he came from me and I will protect, teach, and support him. I will.
This snippet from the momlogic article is what I fear for any child of color:
My son has been reading since he was 4 years old. He was the only reader in his pre-K class, and every day throughout the school year his teacher would tell all the parents hanging around for pickup how he reads stories to the other children, helps them tie their shoes (because they don’t know how), and spells like a champ. He is also the only African-American in the class. At the end of the school year, a bunch of moms and dads from the class got together, and their whole conversation about my son was about how fast he runs, how he wins all the races at parties, and how he has a very muscular tone for a 5-year-old. These things are true. But not one person talked about how smart he is. Even though that was the messaging they received about my son nearly every day. Not one parent.
The past week has been very hard. Starting last Friday, KidWonder had a fever ranging from 99 to 102.8 degrees. After a very long weekend, we took him to see the doctor on Monday. Of course by then he was back to normal. No longer feverish, weak, or lacking appetite the doctor gave him a clean bill of health and proceeded to issue a shot of Synagis to keep him from getting RSV. That night he had a small rash on his torso. By morning the rash had spread to his entire belly, chest, back, and neck. By the time we scheduled an appointment with the doctor it had spread to his face. As we were leaving the house, I noticed it had spread to his arms. The doctor saw it as it spread to his legs, hands, and feet. He had something known as Roseola. The doctor seemed very pleased that he had the rash. It meant that his high fever over the weekend was no longer a mystery. As it turns out, Roseola is a rather benign virus that kids seem to pass along only when they have the fever. The rash isn’t irritating to them at all. Actually, the only thing that bothered KW was the ear infection and sore throat he got from the fever (which is not always the result).
After all that, it’s no wonder that today, when the rash has finally subsided, that when he’d had his fill of milk he simply put his bottle to the side and put himself to sleep. Poor guy has had a long week and I am so glad to see him sleep so peacefully. Maybe I should take this chance to do the same thing.
So last Friday (the 8th) I had oral surgery, but not before KidWonder got sick on Tuesday with a bad cold. So over the weekend DadWonder had two sickies to take care of.KW had a bad cold that caused his asthma to act up and we had to kick in to full gear with the meds. We were finally applauded by a physician on the stellar job we were doing taking care of our child. <sarcastic sigh of relief>
So with KW being medicated about 5 times a day we thought, “Why not send me in for 9 shots of local anesthetic, three tooth extractions, and surgical removal of an empacted wisdom tooth followed by a haze of pain accompanied with percoset and amoxicillin?” Why indeed. It’s all because, and I can’t believe I’m admitting this, I’m getting braces. Am I crazy for getting braces 8 months before the wedding? YES! Am I going to do it anyway? YES! It’s something I’ve wanted for a long time a my orthodontist (Peter Maro, formerly of the New York Rangers) promises that my smile will vastly improve by April. So on Tuesday I am off to have spacers put in even thought the pain of the surgery hasn’t completely subsided (Yay!). wish me luck.
There’s been so much to talk about this week and I haven’t had the time to talk about it. Now’s the time so I’ll be posting more than one.
Disney’s new black princess: So Disney has gone back to 2-D, hand drawn annimation and decided that (after dacades) they would try their hand at a black American princess. “Maddy” would be the princess in The Frog Princess. They thought that it would be okay to make her somewhat like the other princesses. She would be a servant, not to a family member, but to an upity, spoiled white woman. She would have her prince/hero, but he wouldn’t be a black American prince/hero. He would be white. A few people didn’t like that so much. I can see why. Maddy (though my grandmother was Mattie) can be perceived as demeaning by some of today’s society. It’s like calling her Mammie. Also, having a white woman as a servant turn princess is a fairy tale. Having a black woman as a servant turn princess is a fairy tale that hits a bit too close to home. And is Disney so unwilling to step outside of their comfort zone that they couldn’t have a full black animated cast. The voices don’t have to be of black people, but if Aladdin can be full Arabian and Mulan full Asian, why can’t this princess be surrounded by people of her own race? They’ve tried to redeem themselves by making her a heroine named Tiana. I still don’t know that many black girls named Tiana. I know more named Britney and Ashley than I do Tiana. Like one of the articles says, you can’t satisfy everyone.
This week wasn’t very eventful. Just kidding. KidWonder had his 1 year checkup. He is 21.2 lbs (25%tile), 29.5 (50%tile) inches long, and has a 18 inch head circumfrence. He’s is getting so big. He’s got his new walking shoes on all the time now. I hope he’ll walk any day but am dreding it at the same time.